


St-st-stuttering

by asaprockme



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, One Shot, Speech impediment, i'm honestly so bad with tags, shy!harry, there's almost smut but not quite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2291303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asaprockme/pseuds/asaprockme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Harry has a stutter that he just can't control. Niall doesn't mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	St-st-stuttering

**Author's Note:**

> so basically i have a lot of pre-written stories and i'm just now putting them out there, so yeah. hope you like it :)

It all started once he learned how to speak. His parents always thought something was strange about his speech but they chose to let it be. They thought that maybe his speech impediment would only last throughout his childhood years and would get better once he was older.

Well, he was older now and it was still there. He had a stutter and it wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Harry was twenty years old now, but he's learned to live with his stuttering problem. He was teased and taunted all throughout his school days, and even now when he was in uni people still snickered at him and gave him strange looks. He couldn't help that this was how he was born. There was nothing he could do about it.

Harry didn't have many friends. Sure, he had those few acquaintances who were nice to him and helped him out a bit, but he couldn't really classify them as friends. And being "unsure of his sexuality", or at least that's what he liked to call it, wasn't really the icing on the cake either.

People didn't want to be friends with a gay-maybe-straight-maybe-bi boy who had a terrible stuttering problem. The world was cruel and life was unfair.

Sometimes he could control his disability. Sometimes his stutters weren't as bad. But they only got worse when he was stressed or nervous or intimidated. Which was now, when he'd bumped into the pretty little blond boy that his stutter was off the charts.

He set a new record.

"You alright, mate?" The blond asked, reaching out to steady Harry by placing both his hands on his arms. Harry looked down at the stranger's hands, eyes wide with shock.

Okay, yeah, he found the boy attractive—he had this set of crystal clear blue eyes that Harry just wanted to swim in, but he wouldn't dare think about that because he was too weird and the guy wouldn't like him anyway because he was a freak with a stutter. Who would like that?

"I'm f-f-fine," Harry assured him. He winced at the mere fact that the pretty blond boy heard his stutter.

But when he looked down at him, he didn't seem weirded out at all. He looked at Harry like he was another normal human being. That was a first. Most people curved their lip at him and frowned like he'd just been sent to earth from outer space.

But blondie was different. And this was a first for Harry.

"Alright," he smiled, making Harry feel a bit better. "That's good."

Harry just stood there; he didn't want to say anything else because he didn't want the guy to get too impatient with him and leave. He was too pretty and Harry was too curious about him and his bright blue eyes. He couldn't let him get away.

"Do you go here? To this school, I mean?"

Harry nodded, still afraid of his voice.

"Cool, mate, me too," Niall cheered. Harry wondered how one could be so happy all the time. But then again, maybe it was easy for him. He wasn't the one who had a stutter. "M'Niall," he said, holding his hand out for Harry to shake.

Harry took it gladly. He had a firm grip.

"I'm H-Harry," he mumbled. "It's n-nice to m-m-m-meet you."

Right about now, at this very moment, Harry wanted nothing more than to run far away and dig a hole and jump inside of it. He was so embarrassed that Niall had to witness this. He wanted to disappear.

But Niall was still all smiles and full of happiness. He didn't even flinch when Harry spoke. But why?

"Well, sorry that I bumped into you. Never been good at paying attention to me surroundings," Niall laughed, making Harry join in with him because it was just that easy.

"It's ok-k-kay, me neither."

Niall grinned, "I better be off. Nice to meet you, Harry."

And without another word, Niall waved back at Harry as he jogged off.

Harry wonders if he'll ever see him again.

***

It wasn't until a week later that Harry saw him again. He was sitting out in the school's courtyard enjoying his sandwich and reading a book before his next class when he heard his name being called. It was quite rare for Harry because no one ever called his name. No one ever spoke to him. So to say he was in shock was a bit of an understatement.

He places his sandwich back into its container, bookmarking his page before setting his book aside. He looks up to see none other than blondie—Niall—running towards him, the biggest smile on his face.

"Hey, Harry," he smiles wide once he's stood in front of Harry.

He's got this green backpack hanging off of his shoulders and a red and black snapback turned backwards, covering his hair. He looks cute, Harry thinks. He can't help the blush that's creeping its way up his neck.

"H-h-hi," Harry stutters.

"Whatcha doin'?" Niall asks. He seems genuinely curious about Harry, which is something Harry's not quite used to yet.

"I'm j-just r-r-reading a-and eating a s-sandw-wich," he replies, frowning at his impediment.

"Nice," Niall chuckles. "Mind if I sit? I've got free time before my next class. Don't know what to do with it."

Harry only nods (the less talking he does, the less embarrassed he'll be), making room at the table for Niall.

They sit in silence for a while, listening to the sound of the wind and the birds chirping away in the background. It's comfortable, yes, but weird since Harry doesn't know Niall all too well.

But nonetheless, Niall is speaking up again, pulling Harry away from his thoughts.

"I've never seen you around before," Niall mentions. Harry shrugs.

He decides that it's terribly rude not to speak so he does even though his insides are burning with embarrassment.

"I tend t-to k-keep to mys-self," Harry says, focusing all of his attention on the ground below him.

Niall nods as if he understands. He really must, though.

"Do you maybe want to hang out later?" Niall asks. Harry freezes because no one's ever asked him to do anything before. He's always been alone. "I know it sounds a bit weird because I've only met you, but it doesn't hurt to ask, right?"

Harry shakes his head 'no'.

"Is that a no the the first question or the second?"

"S-second," Harry mutters lowly.

"So you would like to hang out?"

Harry shrugs, "guess s-so."

***

They decide to go to the campus' cafe since it was the closest place to get something to eat and neither of them had a car.

Harry doesn't eat, only gets cup of tea, seeing as he was just eating a sandwich not too long ago. Niall gets a sandwich and some crisps since he was apparently  _so fucking famished_  and hadn't eaten since he woke up. That made Harry laugh because it was so dramatic.

And as the two of them sat together at a small table off to the side and Harry watched Niall eat, Harry came to the conclusion that Niall was carefree and not anywhere near shy. He said what was on his mind—he was loud and talkative and somehow Harry liked that about him.

He was the complete opposite of himself. It was a nice alternative from what he was used to.

"So who do you normally hang out with?" Niall questions Harry, chewing obnoxiously on his last crisp.

Harry always hates being asked this question because he feels like such a loser when he answers. That need to run away is slowly creeping its way into Harry's mind again.

"I," he breathes, "I d-don't have any f-friends." he says underneath his breath. It's as if he's ashamed, which he kind of is, he thinks.

"Oh," Niall states, suddenly wishing he hadn't asked. He feels bad but doesn't let it show because he doesn't want Harry thinking that he's obligated to feel sorry for him. He doesn't need that much added on his plate.

"Is it because of your stutter?" Niall asks cautiously. He's not sure if it'll set Harry off or not.

It doesn't. Again, Harry just nods like he always does. He avoids Niall's gaze for obvious reasons.

"Well, I'll be your friend," Niall grins. "If you want me to, I'll be your friend."

It's the first time Harry's ever heard that before. He's so happy he feels like he could cry, really, but he decides not to. That'd be weird for his new friend to witness after they'd just met.

"T-thanks," Harry mutters.

Niall doesn't realize how thankful Harry really is.

***

Harry has Niall's number now. He sits on his bed, criss-cross, holding his phone tightly in his hand as he wonders what on earth he's going to text Niall.

Niall gave him his number four days ago. He told him that if he ever needed to talk to simply contact him. And, you know, just to talk in general because that's what friends do. Harry's still getting used to this whole "friend" thing.

He stares at his keyboard for a good five or so minutes until his head starts to hurt. It shouldn't be this hard, it's only a text, but what if Harry is boring? What if he talks too much or talks too little and Niall never texts him back?

He's worried, is all. He doesn't want to mess up his first real friendship.

He ends up typing a simple 'hello' and pressing send before anything else goes wrong.

Two minutes later and his phone is buzzing underneath the covers (he shoved it underneath there afraid to look at his screen). He opens the text and lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding in the first place.

**_From: Niall_ **

_hey Harry !_

Okay, that was fairly easy, but what's next? What does he say now?

He can't waste another eighty years trying to come up with another message for Niall's sake, so he just wings it.

What could possibly go wrong?

***

Everything went wrong. Somehow Harry started asking Niall how many girlfriends (or boyfriends, he added just in case) he's had, which led to Niall telling him that he was pretty sure he wouldn't ever have a girlfriend,  _like ever_ , and Niall telling him about this one time when he kissed a girl and  _didn't_  like it. ' _Katy Perry lied to me !!'_ , he texted.

And now Niall was asking him the same questions and Harry's heart was beating right out of his chest. What was he supposed to say? That he wasn't sure what he liked and that the only time he went out with someone was when his older sister introduced him to this girl when he was seventeen, who ended up leaving early because she apparently had to " _go babysit her neighbors dog_ ".

Harry promised himself he'd never go on a date again, if he could even classify that as one at all.

So he just opted for saying that no, he's never been in a relationship, and that was it. He was suddenly regretting asking the question in the first place.

**_From: Niall_ **

_well that's a shame. people are missing out._

Was this Niall's way of flirting with Harry? Had Harry been flirting before? He wasn't even sure how to  _speak_  correctly, how could he possibly know how to flirt?

**_To: Niall_ **

_Thanks?_

Harry really needed some experience with everything in life. There was absolutely no way he'd survive in the young adult world without it.

***

Harry didn't know how he knew or if he was even correct, but he was pretty sure he was attracted to Niall in another way besides just looks. They'd been friends for a little over a month now and to Harry, Niall was the best thing that ever happened to him. He made him feel normal and wanted and didn't treat him any different even with his speech impediment.

Now, Harry might not have been totally sure about his sexuality, but he knew exactly how he felt about Niall. So maybe he was gay, who cared? All he knew was that Niall made his heart skip whole beats and he made him tingle in places he'd rather not go into detail about.

So, yeah, when it came to Niall, maybe he wasn't so unsure about his sexual preference as he was before. There was just something about Niall that made everything click in his head.

Harry had decided (and he didn't know what overcame him but something had and now he was doing this) that he was going to ask Niall out. On a date. He was going to do it.

He just didn't know when. Or how.

"You seem a bit quiet today," Niall notices, stopping in his tracks to turn and look Harry in the eyes.

Harry's heart is racing and his stomach is turning and he can't make himself look into those blue eyes of his because he just might faint if he does.

"I'm not qu-quiet," Harry mumbles. He runs his foot across the grass underneath him nervously.

"Well you usually are, but you're even more quiet today. Is something wrong?"

Well no, Harry thinks, but yes, something is wrong. He can't find the guts to do what he really really  _really_  wants to do.

"I, uh, I've got a l-lot on m-my m-mind."

"Well you can tell me, ya know?"

But now Niall is touching Harry's hand and squeezing his fingers, letting him know that he's there for him and Harry feels like he's floating in the air. He looks down at their connected hands and visibly shakes, making Niall drop his fingers faster than he can blink.

"Sorry," his face turns red.

Harry wants nothing more than to grab his hand again, but he just can't do it.

He can't do anything right.

"It's okay, I—n-no, it's st-st-stupid," Harry hangs his head. He almost said it but he didn't because he can't do anything.

"I'm sure it's not, Harry."

"W-will y-you g-g-go on-n-n a d-d-d—" Harry closes his eyes tightly and takes a deep breath through his nose to calm himself down a bit. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

Sometimes when he gets really nervous his stutters get worse to where every word comes out as a stutter instead of every other word and it's just downright embarrassing. It becomes more out of control to the point where it takes five minutes instead of one just to say one sentence. It's annoying, Harry thinks. He just wants it to stop.

He just wants to live a normal life.

"Take your time, Harry." Niall rubs his arm soothingly to help him calm down.

And that's why he liked Niall so much. He's the only person, besides his parents and sister, to be patient with him. He's the only one who's ever waited for Harry, who's never minded that Harry's speech is a little twisted. He seems like he's the only person to ever want to understand him and for that, he can't be any more thankful than he is now.

No one's ever cared enough about Harry like Niall does. He's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

Harry takes a few more deep breaths and finally opens his eyes, green meeting blue, before he tries again.

"Would you," he speaks slowly and carefully, "l-like to," he takes another deep breath. "Go on a d-d-date w-with me?"

He almost feels a weight being lifted off of his shoulders once the words leave his mouth, but then he remembers that he still had to wait for Niall's response and his shoulders feel heavy again.

But not for long. Niall lunges forward to hold Harry in a tight embrace. He holds him for a moment before he's speaking right into Harry's ear.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Harry's smile is the widest it's ever been before.

***

He's nervous,  _boy_ , is he nervous. He's so nervous that in a span of thirty minutes he's brushed his teeth three times, changed his outfit twice, and checked his hair in the mirror so many times that he's lost track.

His nerves don't go down either. They only grow worse when there's a knock on the door.

It's Niall. Fuck, he's scared. First off, he's never been on a  _real_  date before, let alone with a guy. And second, he doesn't even know what to do. He feels like a child being sent off to school for the first time. He kind of wants to cry.

But he can't. He has to go open the door so he can go on this very important date with Niall. He can't cry. Maybe he'll cry later, but he can't now. Not when he's opening the door—when did he even unlock it?—and Niall's stood before him.

He's wearing that bright smile that he always is, along with a nice looking flannel and a pair of even nicer—well not that nice—jeans. His hair is swooped in a different way and he looks great, perfect even. Harry can't breathe, or at least it feels like he can't.

He's still alive, though, so he guesses he can.

"Hey," Niall speaks, giving him a small wave.

"H-hi," Harry forces out a smile. "Should y-you come in or sh-should we leave?"

Niall chuckles, he thinks Harry is so cute when he's clueless like this.

"We should go," he laughs. "I'm quite hungry."

"Oh r-right," Harry laughs nervously, stepping out and locking the door behind him. "Let's go."

"Wait," Niall stops him, grabbing his arm before he can get far. Harry frowns. "Calm down, take a deep breath, okay?" Harry nods, doing as he's told. "It's just me, yeah? Just treat this as if it's a normal day. It's just you and I."

Harry likes the sound of it. And even though he believes that this is way more than just a normal day, he doesn't say anything. He should just relax.

He doesn't want to mess this up.

***

He didn't mess anything up and for that he's glad. They ate, they laughed, they had a great time. Harry knows this because Niall wouldn't stop smiling even when he didn't have to.

And now Harry couldn't stop smiling because Niall was holding his hand as they walked back to Harry's flat, fingers interlocked like they were meant to be together in the first place. They got a few weird stares from people they walked by, maybe because they were two boys, but Harry didn't care because this was great to him and nobody was going to tell him otherwise.

And sometimes they'd swing their arms back and forth, laughing as they did because they were just happy to be together. Harry felt so whole in this moment. Everything just felt so right.

"Please tell me you aren't going to send me off now, are you?" Niall asks as soon as they're standing in front of Harry's flat again.

Harry shakes his head, "I would n-never do th-that." He smiles, letting go of Niall's hand to open the door.

Niall follows in behind him, taking in the place. It's nice, he thinks. Fairly organized for a uni student. There's candles on every ledge and on the table and pictures hung on some of the walls. Niall likes it, he does.

"I-I'm not s-sure what h-happens next," Harry admits. "I've n-never done this be-f-fore."

Niall laughs out loud because he just thinks Harry is so great and adorable and he's very very glad he met him. He can't deny that at all.

"What do you want to happen next?" Niall quizzes.

Harry tenses a bit, cheeks turning colors as he scratches the back of his head nervously. It's all or nothing, he tells himself. Now or never.

"Dunno," he shrugs. "K-kind of want t-to k-kiss you, but I don't kn-know how." he admits. He's never kissed anyone before. So of course he doesn't know what he's doing and of course he's on the verge of passing out.

"Well," Niall walks closer to him. "I could, you know, teach you?"

Harry chuckled nervously; it's a habit besides his stuttering, of course. But he doesn't say another word because he doesn't trust his mouth and just nods.

He wants this. He wants this so bad.

Niall grabs his hands and asks, "where do you want these to go?"

Harry shrugs for the fiftieth time tonight, "I d-don't kn-kn-know." His heart is beating fast.

"It's okay," Niall whispers. His eyes never leave Harry's. "Here," he says, placing both of Harry's hands on his hips. That's good enough.

"Am I doing th-this r-right?"

Niall chuckles nicely, "you're doing fine. Just relax."

Harry does his daily routine of deep breaths and closed eyes. He doesn't even realize that Niall is cupping his face in his hands and leaning forward until he opens his eyes again and Niall is right there in front of his face. Holy shit, his eyes are even more beautiful up close. Somehow it calms Harry down.

He's not given a warning before Niall is placing his lips against Harry's and he's, well, he's kissing him.

It's great, Harry thinks, but he still doesn't know what he's doing. It feels a tad bit awkward because his hands are resting limply on Niall's waist and his lips are just  _there_ , doing nothing at all. Niall pushes forward with his lips and so Harry does too. He thinks he's doing this right. He can't be sure, though.

But sooner or later, their mouths are moving in sync and Harry feels like he's got the hang of this. He's pressing his fingers into Niall's hips and his breaths are heavy coming out of his mouth and into the other's.

Niall's lips are soft and smooth just like he imagined them to be. And, fuck, is he a great kisser. Harry doesn't really have much to compare him to, but he just knows that he's the best. He doesn't want this to stop.

But it does once Niall pulls away, leaving Harry trying to chase after his lips for more.

"You are so cute," Niall laughs, hiding his smile in the dip between Harry's neck and shoulder. Harry decides to press his lips on Niall's collarbone because he needs some kind of contact, any kind, with Niall seeing as their lips aren't connected anymore and Harry's feel a bit lonely now.

He keeps leaving kisses on Niall's skin and he still doesn't know exactly what he's doing but he keeps going with the flow. Niall hooks his arms around Harry's shoulders and pulls back. Harry does the same and when he does, Niall's crashing his lips against Harry's for the second time tonight. It's bliss, it really is.

Harry doesn't realize it but he's walking forward, fingers still digging into Niall's hipbones. He keeps walking until the back of Niall's knees hit the side of his sofa and they go tumbling down on top of it. Niall can't help but laugh into Harry's mouth.

But nonetheless, their mouths never part and their kisses are rushed and needy, like somehow this isn't enough and they both need more. Harry's panting on top of Niall and Niall's grip gets tighter around Harry's neck. Harry is pushing his hands into Niall's waist still and raising them until they're under Niall's shirt. He runs his fingers up and down his sides, feeling him up like there's no tomorrow.

Niall pulls back, head hitting the sofa's cushion underneath him. It's not until he's shrugging out of his flannel until he asks Harry, "you don't have a roommate, do you?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "You're my only friend, Niall. What do you think?"

And Harry doesn't realize it, but Niall definitely does. He notices everything about Harry. So Harry gets a little scared when Niall's eyes go wide like he's just discovered that aliens actually exist or something.

"W-what?" Harry panics, heartbeat increasing.

"You," he breathes, "you didn't stutter. You didn't stutter just now."

Niall looks so happy and so pleased right now. But Harry is still confused because yes he did. He said 'what' and he stuttered.

"Y-yes I d-did," he insists.

"No, no, before, when you said I was your only friend. You didn't stutter." he beams, eyes wide with excitement.

"I didn't?"

"You didn't, babe. You didn't." Niall grins until his face feels like it's going to split in half. Meanwhile, Harry feels like he's going to explode because Niall just called him ' _babe_ '.

"But," Niall says. "I like you either way, stutter or not. It doesn't matter."

And maybe now's the right time to cry like Harry said he'd do later, earlier, but that would just ruin the moment. So instead, he leans down and thanks Niall with his lips.

He can't explain how big his heart feels right now and he can't tell you if it's because Niall is the greatest thing to ever come into his life or if he's just in love with him. And you know what? He is, he's so in love with Niall and he won't even deny it now.

He can't because he's  _that_  in love.

***

They're walking hand in hand around the park down the street from Harry's when Niall asks him a question. It's been five days since their date and everything's been perfect since then. They can't get enough of each other.

They go back to Harry's place every chance they get. They watch movies together, they snog until their lips feel numb, they order Chinese and fall asleep together on the sofa. They're great and Harry's is just as in love with Niall as he was five days ago. He's not exactly sure when the right time to tell Niall is, but he supposes it should be soon. He just needs to find the guts to do it.

"Do you think I could introduce you to my friends? I talk about you quite a lot and they really want to meet you. I just want to make sure you're comfortable with that."

Harry looks at Niall with cautious eyes. His heart swells even more with love because Niall cares about him enough to talk about him with his friends and tell people about them, but he's just nervous. What if they laugh at him because of his stutter? What if they don't like him and they think Niall could do better? What if they—

"I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. They're good lads, and if you ever feel uncomfortable, we can leave. I just want you to be apart of my life and I care about you a lot and—"

"Okay," Harry says. He's still beyond nervous, but he's got Niall by his side, so it can't be that bad.

"And I want you—wait what?"

"Okay," Harry repeats. "I-I'll meet your f-friends."

"Oh, thank you so much, Harry." Niall leaps onto Harry to hug him tightly. "This means a lot to me, so much." He grins, kissing Harry with such passion that Harry feels like his heart is going to burst.

He loves Niall so much that his heart can't even contain it. He wonders if that's even possible.

Apparently it is.

***

They go to a nearby pub to meet his friends. Harry isn't even sure if he's ever even been to a pub, but he's here now and he's with Niall, so what does it matter? Except he's nervous as fuck and he's still paranoid that Niall's friends won't like him.

He should breathe. So he does. In and out, in and out, in and-

"Babe?" Niall squeaks from his side.

"I'm f-fine," Harry insists, giving Niall a small but forced smile. Niall can tell he's not really fine, but he chooses to ignore it. He doesn't want to make this into a big deal.

Niall leads them into the bar, immediately spotting his friends at a table near the back. He doesn't hold Harry's hand, but instead gives his back a small rub. Harry would've liked to hold his hand, he wished that Niall had done so, but he hadn't. He can't help but feel bad.

They're standing in front of the table now; there are three guys already seated. One has slightly tanned skin and tattoos covering most of his arm. He got black hair and a nice jawline. He's beautiful really. The other has blue eyes, kind of like Niall's but not quite as bright. He's got shaggy brown hair and tattoos as well, but not nearly as many as the other lad. And as for the last guy, his hair is pushed back into a small quiff, he's got muscles and facial hair and he's smiling right at Harry. He's got a nice smile.

"You must be Harry?" he says, warm smile still on his face. Harry nods, way too nervous to use his voice. "We've heard a lot about you. I'm Liam, this is Zayn and Louis," he gestures to the other guys. They smile back.

"Well sit down, yeah? I know you want a drink, Niall." Louis chimes just as Harry and Niall take their seats.

It's a bit awkward for Harry because he doesn't know these people at all while Niall does. These are  _his_  friends and Harry just feels so out of place. He kind of wants to leave, even though he barely got here, but he also wants to stay since this was something that meant a lot to Niall. He didn't want to let him down.

"Harry, you want a drink?" Louis asks. "First round's on me."

Harry takes a deep breath before he answers. "N-no thanks. I-I don't d-drink."

Harry seems a bit tense because now Louis is looking at him like he's some science experiment gone wrong or something like that. Harry can't tell if it's because of his stutter or the fact that he doesn't drink. He's hoping for the latter.

He watches Louis shrug and go on his way to buy drinks.

"S'okay, mate," Zayn smiles. "M'not much of a drinker myself either."

Harry returns his smile feeling a bit better about himself. He feels like he can relax a little more now. Especially when Niall's smiling at him from the other side of the table. He's starting to feel okay.

"Nice coat, mate." Liam admires Harry's choice of clothing. He doesn't really think it's that nice but Liam seems to be telling him the truth so he guesses it's okay.

"T-thanks, I g-got it mys-self."

The other three boys laugh—what's so funny?—and Harry frowns because what did he say? He wasn't trying to make a joke or anything, so why was it funny?

"He is cute," Zayn chuckles, nodding at Niall. Harry feels his cheeks heating up.

***

It's been a little over an hour since he and Niall arrived at the pub. So far, Harry likes Niall's friends—he finds that Zayn is the nicest, so therefore he's his favorite. Liam is nice too, but Zayn is sweet and quiet like Harry and he feels comfortable.

Louis, on the other hand, Harry isn't that fond of him. He's a nice guy, yeah, but he's got this look in his eye that Harry doesn't like. It makes him feel weird. He knows he's a good guy, he didn't think Niall would be friends with him if he wasn't. It's just-Harry doesn't really know how to explain it.

It's when Louis asks him a question that he knows what's not sitting right with him. Everyone paused to look at Louis; Liam frowned, Zayn looked ashamed, and Niall just looked downright pissed.

Harry, of course, was embarrassed.

"How come you've got that weird stutter?" Louis laughs. He hadn't meant to come off as a dick, he was genuinely curious. But the alcohol got into him. It just came out.

"What the hell, Lou?" Niall shout-whispers. "I thought I told you not to bring that up?"

For some reason, that comment makes Harry mad. Harry understands why Niall doesn't want them talking about his speech impediment, but really? He's not some fucking toddler that needs to be watched over all the time. It's almost as if Niall is embarrassed about Harry and his stuttering problem. It kind of hurts his heart.

"I've got to use t-the bathr-room," Harry announces, standing to leave. He doesn't really have to, but he wants to get away for a moment and calm down, maybe practice his breathing for a bit.

He can hear Niall calling his name, but he ignores it and continues on his way.

The bathroom is small; there's only two stalls and three urinals with one sink, which is weird but Harry puts that thought to the back of his head.

He knew that his speech impediment would come up sooner or later. And now that it has, he feels that sudden urge to live in a hole growing again and he wants it to go away. Along with his stupid stutter.

He stands in front of the mirror, breathing in and out until he feels himself calming down. He doesn't really want to go back out there and face Niall's friends again, but he also doesn't want to make this into a big scene. He should just go back and get this over with and maybe Niall will ask him if he wants to leave.

He really hopes he does.

Harry is opening to door to the toilets and heading back over to the table. No one notices that he's coming back now. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to acknowledge them yet. He's just about to sit down again when Niall's voice stops him in his tracks.

He hadn't heard the the whole conversation, but he heard enough to make him eyes go big and his heart feeling like there was a giant weight pulling it down.

He's going to cry later, he just knows he is.

"...and I know he's got this weird stutter and I know it can be quite frustrating, but-"

That's all Niall gets to say before Zayn is giving him this look and clearing his throat before Niall turns around to meet Harry's gaze. His eyes are starting to water, he's trying so hard not to let the tears fall.

It doesn't matter, he tries to tell himself.

 _It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter_...

It matters. It matters so fucking much. So much that his heart hurts even more every time he repeats Niall's words over and over again in his head.

"Harry, I—" he starts but is cut off when Harry shakes his head 'no'.

'I th-think I'm gonna j-just—" but Harry can't finish his sentence because he chokes on his words and turns around to leave as fast as he can before anyone else can stop him.

At least Niall didn't have to ask him if he wanted to leave. Looks like Harry got his wish after all.

***

Niall calls so many times that his fingers hurt from having to keep pressing the 'call' button over and over again. He's left so many voicemails and texts that he can't even remember when he started sending them in the first place. He feels terrible, absolutely shitty and he deserves this. He deserves all of this.

He's standing outside of Harry's flat now, knocking,  _begging_  for him to open up. It's dark and it's cold and he just wants Harry to hear him out. Harry came in on the wrong part and even though it sounded like Niall was bashing him for his impediment, he truly wasn't and he just  _needs_  Harry to know that. He needs Harry to, "open up, please, Harry!"

Harry is sat on the other side of the door, back against it and he can feel Niall's knocking vibrating through his skin. His knees are up to his chest, arms wrapped abound this legs and he wants to open up, but he just can't. And he can't stop crying either.

He should've known that Niall wasn't different. He was just like everyone else. He didn't give a shit about Harry, he was just using him. For what, Harry doesn't know that much. All he knows is that Niall never really liked him like he claimed he had. Harry was a joke, a complete joke with a bad stutter to top it all off.

Harry doesn't even know why he tried in the first place. It'd probably be best if he just keeps to himself from now on and never let anyone else in. Besides, he was used to it by now. No one ever really cared about him, so it wouldn't even matter if it went back to being that way.

It's probably for the better, anyway. It has to be.

***

Five—going on six—days have passed since the incident. Harry hadn't returned any of Niall's texts or calls. He's at school now and makes sure to go different routes than he's used to because Niall knows where all of his classes are and he knows the ways that Harry goes. Harry tries to avoid him at all costs. It hurts, it hurts a lot, but this is for the best.

Maybe he was meant to be alone. Maybe he was meant to not have friends. Maybe this is the life that was chosen for him. Maybe this is what God planned out. Harry doesn't even know of he even  _believes_  in God.

But he knows what he doesn't believe in— _love_. And if love has to hurt this bad, he doesn't want to be in it. Ever. And as much as it hurts not having Niall by his side, Harry thinks it's for the better.

Or maybe he's still trying to convince himself on that.

It's when Harry's walking from his last class of the day, on his way home, that he sees Zayn. He's sitting on some steps on the other side of the courtyard. And once his eyes are set on Harry, he's hopping from his spot and jogging towards Harry, hand waving frantically to get his attention.

Harry doesn't want to see him. He doesn't want to see anyone that's associated with Niall. He doesn't want to be reminded, so he spins on his heels and starts to walk faster to get away. He doesn't look back.

"Harry, wait!" Zayn calls out. Harry tries to ignore him but he keeps calling and calling and Harry wants him to stop. He just wants to be left alone.

But no, Zayn insists. He's not going to give up. Harry realizes this and stops in his tracks causing Zayn to bump right into him.

Harry hears a small ' _oomph_ ', turning around to see if he's okay.

"S-sorry," Harry mumbles, cheeks rosy and all.

"S'okay," Zayn mutters, dusting off his black jeans even though he didn't fall. He's got a cigarette placed behind his ear and some kind of sketchbook tucked under his right arm. "Look," he starts, breath unsteady from having to chase Harry around. Harry feels a tiny bit bad, but then again he doesn't. He then remembers that he actually liked Zayn the best out of Niall's friends and should probably be nice to him. He doesn't deserve Harry's anger.

"I know you're a bit upset about what happened at that pub and all, but like—Niall won't shut up about you and, to be frank, it's quite annoying—"

"I d-don't want to t-talk to him," Harry stutters, not letting Zayn finish. He knows what he's going to say already. He's just going to get Harry to feel bad or something along the lines of that and tell him to please talk to him and all that jazz. But no, Harry's not going to. Niall hurt him and he needs him to know that. He wants him to hurt just as bad as it's hurting him.

"Harry, I get that Niall's probably the last person you want to see right now, but you've got to believe me when I say that what you heard that night is not what it sounds like. I know it's quite hard to trust me since you don't know me well, but please, just trust me on this."

Zayn's got a point, Harry thinks. But at the same time he doesn't want to give in so quickly.

"I-I heard w-what I heard," Harry speaks softly. His eyes trail to the ground beneath his boots.

"Yes, you did, but what Niall was saying wasn't  _all_  that he said."

"And w-what w-was that?" Harry asks. "H-he said that I-I was w-weird a-a-and frustrating. I h-heard it."

"Harry," Zayn chuckles. Harry frowns because it's  _not_  funny. "He was saying what  _Louis_  was thinking. He was trying to explain things to him. He cares about you, Harry. You know that. Niall doesn't stick around for people he doesn't give a shit about. He gives a shit about you. He..."

"He what?"

Harry's heart is beating so fast that his chest is starting to hurt. He's anxious and it feels as if his knees will give out at any second. If Zayn was about to say what he thinks he was going to say, Harry might just die.

He thinks that he might.

Zayn takes a deep breath, running his skinny fingers through his black hair before he speaks again. "I shouldn't be the one telling you this— _fuck_. But he—Niall fucking loves you, okay? He loves you and I wish he were the one telling you this instead of me."

Harry's eyes are prickling, on the verge of tears. His ears are numb and his throat is closing in on him. He needs to see Niall. He needs to see him right now.

Without a second thought, Harry leaves Zayn behind and runs home. He runs as fast as he can. He doesn't care if his lungs are burning, he doesn't care if his calfs are on fire, he needs to get to Niall before it's too late.

He needs to tell him that he's in love.

He's in love with Niall and that's all that's on his mind.

***

By the time Harry gets home his breathing is erratic, hair frantic on top of his head. He's sweaty and hot even though it's freezing outside. His bag is nearly falling off of his shoulder but he doesn't care.

He's fumbling with his keys now. Once he gets inside, the first thing he's going to do is call Niall. Suddenly, he feels like such a dick for shutting him out like this. Harry hadn't even given Niall a chance to explain himself, and that alone makes Harry want to punch himself in the face. But it's done and there's nothing he can do about it.

Harry finally has the key that he needs in his hands. He's just about to unlock the door when he notices that there's someone already here.

It's Niall and he's standing there with messy hair and sad, but surprised eyes. He was leaning against Harry's door but quickly stands up straight once he sees Harry.

They stare each other down for a while, long enough to make Harry uncomfortable, until Niall's mouth parts to speak.

Harry hasn't heard his voice in almost six days and that alone makes Harry want to cry. But then again he always feels the need to cry. It's one of his many talents, along with stuttering and firsthand embarrassment.

"Harry, I'm so sorry I—" but that's all he gets to say before Harry is coming towards him with a purpose. He drops his bag along the way, tossing it to the ground like it's nothing. Harry grabs Niall's face in between his large hands, looks into his blue eyes (the ones he loves so much) and kisses Niall as if the world is about to end.

Niall is a bit tense at first, most likely confused by Harry's straightforward actions. It takes a moment for everything to register in Niall's mind, but once it does he's wrapping his arms around Harry's neck, having to stand on his tiptoes because Harry is much taller than him, and kissing him just as hard and just as emotionally as Harry is.

They kiss for god knows how long, probably until their lips are numb and feel like they're about to fall off entirely.

Harry is the first one to pull away, though. His eyes are closed as Niall rests his head against Harry's shoulder. He takes in Niall's scent, his being, his  _everything_  for a moment. Everything feels so right and so incomplete all at the same time and Harry knows exactly why.

"I-I'm so sorry," Harry blurts out, shaking his head against Niall's fluffy hair.

"No, I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have..." Niall drifts off, pulling away to look at Harry. "I shouldn't have said any of that. I should've known—"

"No," Harry insists, "I'm s-sorry. I," he breathes. "I-I should've l-listened t-to you, I should've a-answered y-your calls a-and I," he huffs. He should just tell him. Harry should just tell Niall how he feels because he knows that he feels the same, Zayn's told him everything already. It's a waste of time for them to be apologizing to each other when more important things should happening.

Harry sucks in a deep breath. He closes his eyes, does his breathing routine for a bit until he feels calm enough. "I love you," he says, eyes still closed but it feels great. He feels great.

"What?" Niall asks, even though he heard Harry perfectly. He's just in shock, really.

"Niall, I-I love you. I love you s-so much a-and I'm sorry about e-everything. I've loved you s-since that day I-I t-told you that you were m-my only friend. I loved you be-f-fore that a-and I l-love you now. I'm s-sorry. I really am."

It's a ton to take in but Niall doesn't mind. He feels the same way. He always has and he always will. And he doesn't mind that Harry's got a stutter, so what? To Niall, Harry is everything. He's funny, he's sweet, he's caring and Niall loves him. Speech impediment or not, it doesn't matter now, it won't matter tomorrow, and it won't matter in ten years. All that matters is that him and Harry are fine and that he's in love.

He's definitely in love.

"I love you too," Niall smiles, bringing Harry forwards and holding him in a tight embrace just like he had when Harry asked him on their first date. "I love you," he whispers into his ear.

He means it and Harry finally feels whole. He's complete again.

***

They're on Harry's sofa again. Lips are attached, hands are needy at each other's skin. All that can be heard is the sound of their heavy pants, clatters of teeth, and smacks of lips against lips.

Harry's lips are at Niall's jaw now, and his smile is pressing against his skin when Harry thinks that he's getting quite good at this kissing thing. He lets out a breathy laugh, making Niall's skin crawl from the air that hits the surface. Niall can't help but laugh along even though he has absolutely no clue what Harry's even laughing at.

"What's so funny, huh?" Niall grins. Harry stops what he's doing to look up at his pretty blue eyes, as blue as the waters of the ocean. He smiles, dimples making an appearance and everything. "Nothing," he chuckles. Niall looks at him like he's his world.

Which, he kind of is, honestly.

Niall laughs again, shaking his head too. "I love you, ya idiot."

"This idiot love you back," Harry grins. His heart is full with love and all the mushy stuff that comes with it.

"Your stuttering is getting better," Niall praises and Harry's cheeks heat up. He ducks his head until it's resting in the space between Niall's neck.

"O-only a bit," he says, words muffled by Niall's skin.

His stutter always gets a little better the more comfortable he gets around Niall. He finds that it's most controllable when he doesn't have to think as much. But when he gets nervous or embarrassed, it always comes back. It's not fully gone at all, still very much there. It's just that there are little moments like these where it's not so bad. But of course, it doesn't always last long, and that doesn't even matter because Niall still loved him anyway. In fact...

"I quite like your stutter," he admits. "S'cute."

"O-okay," Harry blushes, returning his lips to their rightful place: against Niall's.

They kiss slowly, smoothly. Eventually Niall's fingers find their way into Harry's hair, pulling at the roots slightly just how Harry likes it. Harry groans, embarrassingly he thinks, but that only gets Niall going even more.

He slips his fingers from Harry's curls, sliding down until he reaches the buttons of Harry's shirt. Their lips stay connected even when Niall starts to unbutton Harry's shirt and they even stay connected as he pulls the material off and throws it to the side. His hands make their way to his own shirt, lips detaching only so Niall can remove his top too.

Harry takes a moment to admire Niall, admire the fact that he's all his, and he's just happy. He mutters something along the lines of ' _you're r-really b-beautiful_ ' and Niall brings him down to kiss his mouth again.

Harry starts to feel this nice sensation in places he doesn't really speak about when Niall bucks his hips up against Harry's. Of course Harry's nervous, he's never done  _this_  before. And definitely not with someone he was in love with. Hell, he's never even  _been_  in love before.

He guesses that Niall can sense his hesitation because he stops kissing him, eyebrows furrowing with worry. He places a hand against Harry's cheek warm with the nerves building up inside him. "I won't do anything you don't want to," Niall tells Harry in his softest voice.

Harry shakes his head because he wants this.  _Boy_ , does he want this. He just needs a minute, you know, to prepare. Niall nods as if to say 'take your time' and so he does. He breathes in and out and out and in until he feels okay. Like, yeah, he can do this.

"Okay?" Niall asks, eyebrows raised. Harry takes one last breath before he's nodding and saying, "I'm okay."

Niall smiles and Harry bends over again to kiss him softly. It's slow and passionate this time, full with love and emotion. This time Harry initiates the fun, rubbing his crotch against Niall's. Niall let's out a soft, quiet moan, and if that doesn't get Harry going he doesn't know what will.

Their jeans are still very much on and things are getting a bit difficult now that Niall's straining against the hard fabric. He reached forward until his fingers meet the zipper of Harry's jeans. He waits a second just to make sure that this is okay before Harry nods and all that's heard is the sound of Niall pulling his zipper down. His fly is open and he starts to tug at Harry's pants. Harry helps him out a bit, shifting up, hissing from loss of contact. He helps Niall pull his jeans down the rest of the way until they're fully off and landing on the carpet beneath them.

Niall does the same with his pants and soon enough they're both in their boxers awaiting the next move.

Niall starts kissing along Harry's jawline, down his neck (maybe leaving a few marks here and there), stopping at his chest. He leaves small pecks across the area and Harry's left breathing unevenly against Niall's neck.

Harry starts to grind his cock against Niall's, in need of  _some_  friction; any kind. Niall finds Harry's fingers, lacing them with his and holding him close. He wraps his other arm around Harry's neck, Harry's around his waist. Their pants are loud and slightly heavy, bouncing off of each other's skin.

"N-Niall, I-I need y-you,' Harry whimpers. Whatever fears he has, he throws them to the back of his mind and focuses on the now. He wants this. He's ready.

"You sure?" Niall asks again. Harry nods against his chest. "I love you, okay?"

"I-I love you, N-Niall."

And Harry does. He loves him more than he could ever know and he trusts him with his whole heart. And right now, it's just him and Niall and nothing else in between.

They're all that matters and Harry is okay with that. He'd always be okay as long as Niall's there right beside him. Maybe this is all he'll ever need.

And just like his stutter, maybe some things are meant to be. Maybe they're here to stay.

 


End file.
